Ma's latest TOOT

My Ma be da bestest Ma dat any spoodle could want to have. She look after me, feed me, take me for walks and generally da bestest slave I could wish for but boy oh boy dis morning we see a differen side of her.............................................

Dis morning I was lying in da hoomin beddie wif Pa when da Ma walked in da room. I was doping out half asleep when........TOOT

It be da noisiest TOOT dat I ever heard I got such a frightie I fought dat it be a earfquake but I was wrong in be Ma's bum.

Den da smell arrive, oh da smell it be da worstest fing dat I ever did smell and you know dat us doggies like bad smells but dis be worser.

I shout "Pa what was dat, was it Ma TOOTIN"

He confirmed my suspicians " Yes Baxter it is, your Ma just TOOTED and in my experience that will only be the start of it wait for the odor to arrive".

Boy was Pa right Poo Hoo I was gagging, Pa says "I dont know about you Baxter but Im out of here I cant handle the smell any more".

Pa and me jump outa bed and bof run fru to da sittin room and get da windows open real quick, we was holdin our bref da hole way so we dont get poisoned. It be like a kemical weapon, a weapon of mass distruction is how Pa describes it.

Fankfully Ma went to work dis morning so we can be safe for da moment but she will be home soon I hope dat she be all tooted out when she get back..

If youz see my Ma when youz on your walkies be careful you cant imagine what she be able to produce when she TOOTS.

BOL Baxter

Flingy Ball Day Out

 

 What a day I be have had today, when I did get outa my crate dis lubbly morning da Pa did say "Baxter do you want to go to the dog park?".

What a dumby Pa you know dat I dont understand nuffing that you ever say. Jess did get excit so me thought dat dis what ever he said must be good so me get excited.

 So off we went in da broom broom and den I real worked out just where we be going and I just lub da doggie park and bestest of all meeting new furiends and playing flingy ball, my favourite game of all.

 

 When me and Jess got dere we played and played a little bit den fru da gate do come my newest furiend Chester.

Lucky he did bring his ball as well so we bof play ball togetha and run round lots.

Den I did hear da gate be open again and I turn round and dere be a BIG black doggie coming in, I had neber seen him before and got a bit of a scary time when he did see me and just run straight at me real fastest. He got to me den da cheek of him he jumped me and nicked my ball.....

Well me be silly and scared for no reason cause he be good furiends wif Chester and dis be his game he nick your ball and take it back to your Pa so he can frow it for you. Dis be real handy cause sometimes I get confused and dont take da ball right back. His name is Dodge and me and him and Chester do run and run and play lots more.

Den after a while it be time to go home so me and Jess shout at Ma and Pa "Come on folks time to go home we be hungry" so we grab our balls and say bye bye to Chester and Dodge and in the broom broom we go do go home.

What a fun day hope we can go again tomorrow.

BOL Baxter

I found Ted some chicken..........

I has been soooooo stressed out for Ted (@TedLovesChicken) dat me not bean able to sleep more that 12 hours per day, not enuf for a spoodle puppy dats for sure.
I said "Pa, what can we do for Ted. Me wanna help!!!" Pa told me to follow my nose and I would find a way to help poor Ted. So I got da snooz into action and off I went...............

So off I did go down da road on dis lubbly Sunday morning havin no idea just where you get chicken but Pa told me to follow my nose so he is always right.

Dere are lots of people out and Im careful dat none of dem are da fuzz and looking for me!!!

I get down to da glassy building down da road dat Ma tell me is da Artie Gallery and I get a wiff.........yes........yes.....YES its chicken and a lot of it.

Its OK Ted Ive found da holly grale of chicken, da muther load no less. And it has to be in da worlds flashest chicken coop no less.

In I go escorted by Ma and Pa, I fink they have some idea what Ive been up to and dont let me out on my own any more.

And den I see it...........it be beutiefull.........just a sight to behold for my mate TED, it be da worlds biggest CHICKEN..........yippy.

I grabby da camera and get Ma to stand by it to give youz all a idea of just how big it really is, I just wanna eat it right there and den.

I done did ask if I could buy it but day said no dat it was worf hundreds and thousands of dollars and dats just way more dan my pocketmoney will allow. So Ted just for you my little buddy, and as a protest against hoomins not feeding us hoomin nom nom's I did NICK it.                                                                                                      I have it at home wif me now and is just licking de last stamp and den I gunna post it to Ted so he has real food and not have to rely on his nasty hoomins and wait for when it does do to suit dem to feed our mate real food.

I hope dat you can find a way to cook it Ted, I fink you be enjoying dis lots and come on all Teds other friends remember our campaign BEG FOR TED. Get it and post it on to him or if its scrambly egg send it on to me and I'll make sure it gets on to him, honest, truly........

BOL Baxter

Unfair treatment of my anipals

I has been hiding out afta da bomb fiasco hoping dat da police dont come find me and take me away for da bombing so Shhhhhhhhhh dont tell anyone bout me.

Sometimes though you have to put what you believe in ahead of you own self and put your freedom on da line for what is most important to you and dis is one of dese times.......

A frend of mine Ted, aka. @TedLovesChicken on twitter, has been the victim of some of da most terrible cruelty to an furiend dat i can imagine. Its so sad I is having trouble typing cause my eyes do leak and the leakys run down my snoozer and fall on to da keyboardie. If you have a week stomach you maybe stop here.

He has for the last day not had anything to eat but ANIPAL FOOD, no prawns, no chicken no nothing. His hoomins really being nasty to him it has even put me off my food and its scrambly Saturday morning. Poor Ted for all of us dat know and love him we are aware just how much he loves food I cant imagine his pain at da moment.

I propose we all get as much hoomin food as we can and send it to Ted like a food drop so he can survive, please help out our little buddy survive and make his tail work again its not at da moment!!!!

Go forth and "BEG FOR TED". I know I am.

Now back to hiding under da table away from da police for me.

BOL Baxter

Da Trial Run.....

Today be da day dat we find out just how practical my plan for the bomb really is, we did sleep in cause of daylight saving time changing, whatever dat is. This be da first ting dat I hadn't tought of, I should have known by dis it wasn't gunna be a great day.
We got up and had morning nom nom's, I cant go anywhere wifout my breakfast and then Jess and I did sneek out da back door when da hoomins wernt watching. We had da BOMB wif us.
We snuck through the back fence in our special sneeky out spot, over da carpark and into da neighbours place through there fence in a spot we had previously taken a few bricks from.

Da neighbours do have a real nice house so I wanna be careful so me and Jess redo da calculations to make sure we got dem spot on right, each time we does work it out we fink, no we sure we got it all measured right. Jess does check dat day still on holiday and dat no one home in da house den we hide behind da brick wall in a safe place so we tinking Health and Safety all the time ok.

Jess den says to me 'You sure about this Baxter' and I don't fink, my tummy takes over and I say 'Lets do it Jess'. My big mistake.

I jump on da exploder ting and BANG, da bomb goes off and dere is dust and smoke everywhere, it starts to clear and da first ting we see is da brick wall. A BIG clue dat me and Jess are no scientists.......

Wow me tinks, Jess does a runner and heads home to Ma and Pa shouting out 'Its all yours Baxter

, I'm not going to doggie prison cause you was hungry for nom nom's', tanks for your support Jess.

I den tink, well maybe de house ok..............

It appears not, da house be muntered...................................................

Oh gosh what I do now, da aftershake dat I done did use to mask da bomb was nuffing like dis big......So I do what any self respecting Spoodle would do, I wee myself!!!
After dat embarrassing fing I'm off home as fast as my little legs would carry me. Im throu da fence, cross da carpark, throu our wall and in da back door in world record time and den I go dive into my basket, I'm shaking and my heart is beating just so fast.
Jess not happy at all and just looks at me and says "Stoopid idiot Baxter"
Den da police do come and also da fire engine, den I get into more trouble cause I cant help it but I howl to da tune of da fire engine.
So far I is safe and nobody finks it is me but now I see Jess talking to da police man and point over at me. I fink she dobbing me in so she gets all da cuddles, bugger.
Im gunna ring my furiend Oz cause he da brightest dog I know and he be my lawyer..........I fink I'm in all sorts of trouble, oh shit wonder what da nom nom's are like in doggie prison.

BOL Baxter

Meeting "The Supplier"

I fought that I better tell you all about da meeting that I had to go fru to get the bomb for the 'job'. After da hoomins went to sleep Jess sprung me from my crate and we did sneek out. It was real dark but Jess is brave and led me down the town. We had to be stealthy so nobody fought that we be strays and we been take away to the pound, yuuk.







It was really dark and cold but the fought of hoomin food drove us on. We had to go down dis dark alley dat was a dangerous sort of place for two non streetwise puppies like me and my buddy, Jess.
"Come on Baxter be brave, weve come to far to back out now." she said to be so I hardened up and carried on.

We got to da door dat we had been told to and knocked 5 times and waited, and waited, and waited. Jess wanted to go home and she fought dat I was nuts and had got da whole lot of instructions wrong. I had da faith cause by dis time me was real hungry and could only fink of what was behind dat fridgey door fing.

A man finally came to da door............

He was real scary and said,

"Wot ya want ya mutts"

Jess was unhappy by this and started to reach into her handbag for her breeders papers but I had the wise head and said,

"We here to meet up wif Mr The Supplier"

"OK come in, giv me da camera Mr Supplier cant be identified you mutts"

All I could think of was 'Shut up Jess' dont upset this guy. So in we went into da office where I handed over da dog kibble as payment.

"Hi Mr Supplier......."

"Shut up mutts he said, heres da bomb, I know were youz live and If you breeve a word of dis to identify me I send my boys round to do youz over, got it"

"YES Mr Supplier I got it" Dont even tink of saying anyfing Jess!!

"OK mutts piss off"

So, after gettin camera back, we leave as quick as we can Jess and Me didnt wanna stay any longer than we need to I was scared outa my curls!!!

He was the nastiest baddest scariest Spaniel I or Jess had ever met!!!!!!!!

Off down da road we run and run till we is home again. phew safe at last.

Den we look at da bomb and it look a bit bigger dan we fought but what we know. In 24 hours we find out.

Till tomorrow BOL Baxter

New Plan (plan B)

After careful consideration wif Jess we have decided to try da bomb trick on da neighbours house in 36 hours time...............
My furiends on twitter convinced me that the danger was large and dat we best have a trial run.
I have been in touch wif da "Supplier" and he says it possible no problem to get anover bomb so we planning on da dress rehearsal in tomorrow tomorrow..
Da neighbours be away on da holiday so dere is no real danger to anyone.
Jess is worked on anover plan so its all go..............

Baxter